Someone dumps a Scoot in the plants outside your house.  What do you do?

1) Call 311. They transfer the complaint to the San Francisco Municipal Transit Agency, “which has a program.” The program is this: 311 sends a generic form to the SFMTA, which sends a generic form back saying the problem will be fixed within 7 to 21 business days. Generically speaking.

2) Call Scoot. Leave obscenity-laced message. Wait.

3) Call Russian Consulate: Has Guccifer 3.0 hacked Scoot yet? Would they like to take a free prototype for experimentation?  The Russians currently refer all hacking inquiries to the Mueller Investigation.

4) Leave note for Mark Zuckerberg at his house. “Do you want more data to sell? Free!” Note: The note was left with grumpy security guys on scooters. They assure the note will get into the “right hands.”

5) Give device to daughter for holiday gift purposes.

6) Reconfigure device as street sculpture.

7) Pick up scooter and ride merrily into the sunset (oops! sunset is uphill).

Mark Rabine

Mark Rabine has lived in the Mission for over 40 years. "What a long strange trip it's been."

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