An open metal safe reveals empty, aged wooden drawers and shelves inside, with peeling paper and visible wear on the compartments.
FBI agents, accompanied by a certified master safe-cracker, made quick work of the safe at Uncle Walter's Mystery House

When Mission Local this month visited the sprawling former citadel of former San Francisco fixer Walter Wong,there were many strange and terrible things to see. Those included a penthouse with a secret passageway and a secret floor wedged between the 95,000-square-foot building’s second and third stories. 

Following our visit, based on a tip, Mission Local asked the building’s new owners about a hulking antique safe hidden in a section of the complex formerly inhabited by a caretaker. To the surprise of all, it was still there, concealed behind a wooden panel beneath a staircase, unopened.

Wong in 2020 pleaded guilty to federal charges that he participated in a kickback scheme to siphon $1.5 million from the Chinatown Hilton. He cooperated with the feds in their cases against his former allies, most notably since-convicted former San Francisco Public Utilities Commission General Manager Harlan Kelly. 

He was, for decades, the city’s preeminent “permit expediter,” leaning on the many workers he placed within the city’s building department to work magic for clients navigating San Francisco’s treacherous construction landscape.   

The building’s new owners, the adult film company Kink.com, say that after Mission Local’s queries about the safe, they reported its discovery to the FBI. And on Tuesday, FBI officials entered the building — with the adult film company’s consent. Along with a man described as a “certified master safe-cracker,” the agents oversaw the opening of the giant antique safe. 

The FBI confirmed to Mission Local that it today visited “Uncle Walter’s Mystery House” and opened the safe. 

Close-up of an old black safe with a combination dial and handle, labeled “L.H. Miller Safe & Iron Works, Baltimore.”.

And within it? Alas, nothing much. 

A former Wong associate described the contents of this safe in prior years as the “things Walter didn’t want anybody to know about.” If so, those things are now elsewhere: Eyewitnesses today described the content of the safe as being “a couple of Post-It notes that had some scribble on them.” 

While journalists were not permitted on-site, Mission Local obtained photographs and spoke to observers. We are told that the Post-Its were, dutifully, placed into an evidence bag by agents wearing gloves. 

The safe-cracker surprised both the onlookers and FBI agents on-site by opening the safe so quickly. He had, we are told, studied up on the internal workings of this model of safe, an antique from L. H. Miller’s Safe & Iron Works of Baltimore, which was likely well over a century old. He knew exactly where to bore into the safe with his carbide-tipped drill. He then slipped thin tubes equipped with scopes and mirrors into the pinholes, and was able to open the combination lock from within.

A foam-lined hard case containing five long metal instruments with blue handles and three AA batteries on a gray floor.

The interior of the safe looked largely as it did when this device was new in the late 1800s or early 1900s. An observer described it as “super old-timey and pretty well-preserved. It’s not like it was exposed to sunlight.” Within were crimson, patterned carpeting and several wooden drawers. The agents found the scraps of paper within the drawers. “As expected,” one of them purportedly sighed when the contents of the safe were revealed to be underwhelming. 

“Well, it was a lot of fun,” said an observer. “And, I have to say, the FBI agents were extremely agreeable.” 

Open safe showing four wooden drawers on the left and empty shelves with torn paper lining on the right, as if awaiting an FBI inspection, red patterned carpet at the bottom.

Following the cracking of the safe, Kink staff invited the agents to tour the secret floor, dubbed “floor 2.5” by workers here. The agents, we’re told, obliged, mounting a ladder, ascending through a panel in the ceiling and taking photos of the prodigious amount of labels left behind on the floors. 

It was, staffers here say, “a consent-based process.” 

A person holds a long, thin metal probe with a black handle next to an open case with foam lining.
Person holding a round brass dial with engraved numbers and a central bolt, illuminated by a light source.

Joe is a columnist and the managing editor of Mission Local. He was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left.

“Your humble narrator” was a writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015, and a senior editor at San Francisco Magazine from 2015 to 2017. You may also have read his work in the Guardian (U.S. and U.K.); San Francisco Public Press; San Francisco Chronicle; San Francisco Examiner; Dallas Morning News; and elsewhere.

He resides in the Excelsior with his wife and three (!) kids, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

The Northern California branch of the Society of Professional Journalists named Eskenazi the 2019 Journalist of the Year.

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