Mission Local has a series called โPeople We Meetโ where we introduce you to a few of the many fascinating San Franciscans we come across in our reporting.
Today weโre taking a different approach: In the spirit of the New Yorkerโs long-running satire column, Shouts and Murmurs, here are a few of the fans who showed up in full force for the Valkyries home opener at Ballhalla (aka Chase Center) on Sunday.
The Heartbroken Fan Still Wearing Her Kate Martin Jersey
We all mourn differently. It has been a long few days since Kate Martin was dropped from the Valkyries squad. This fan dyed her hair purple, dressed head-to-toe in violet and painted the number โ20โ over her face. During the game, she brandished a giant โMissingโ poster with Martinโs face on it.
(FYI the WNBA store now has Kate Martin Valkyries jerseys on sale, tear.)
The Other Heartbroken Fan Still Wearing Their Custom Flau’jae Johnson Jersey They Ordered in The Less Than an Hour That Johnson Was a Valkyrie Before She was Traded
Again, we all mourn differently. This fan came with a loudspeaker that cycles through playing Flauโjaeโs โWOAHโ and Camoflaugeโs โCut Friends,โ vowing never to visit Seattle. At halftime they find the fan wearing the Kate Martin jersey and together the two pass a flask back and forth. The pair finish the game in silence.
The Queer Couple That Met On Lex
Matched because they both answered โWho is your celebrity crush?โ with โVeronica Burton.โ They look like the female version of Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams. One of them spends the game loudly talking about her former gymnastics career in Texas. The other keeps talking about their cottage.
The 6 a.m. Cycling Class from a Boutique Fitness Studio That We Happen to Like
They have been up since 5 a.m. It is now past 9. They are awake and still โfine.โ A basketball bounces off of the six-pack of one of the cycling instructors. She doesnโt notice. She is too busy drilling Eileen Gu on her lifting routine and offering tips on form after Gu beat the drum before the game.
The One Person That Doesnโt Want to Be There
A Y Combinator co-founder, he only showed up at the game because another founder tweeted that โfemale representation is the next big thing in AI.โ Spends the first quarter whacking the side of his Vision Pro and muttering that augmented reality is not what it used to be. At halftime, the founder gets four notifications from his Oura ring. You poke him. He is fast asleep.
Your Elderly Grandparents from Very Small Town, USA
They arrived two hours early. Brought their own sandwiches. Didnโt understand the seating chart so they accidentally bought floor seats. Kept making a Valkyrieโs โVโ sign during the games. Had no idea that they werenโt making peace signs. Were alive when the term โdaggerโ was an active part of the slang lexicon but still donโt understand why the fans get rowdy when โWHAT A DAGGER!โ flashes on the screen after 3-pointers.
The Golden State Valkyries are playing the Chicago Sky this Wednesday May 13 at 7 p.m. at the Chase Center. Buy your tickets here.
Can’t swing the ticket price? The Chase Center’s outdoor plaza screens the game live and free โ and if our reporting is correct, the archetype-watching out there is just as good.
