The Crafty Fox Ale House, on Mission at 13th, is just a few feet from being under an overpass. It is sometimes in the shadow of one, depending on where the sun is. That alone doesn’t mean anything — some of the coolest places in the world are squeezed into unconventional spaces. The legendary Night Heron speakeasy in New York City was inside a water tower atop a condemned building. But it does mean that you have to do something special to avoid starting at a deficit.
It is rare that I approach a bar, peer in, and say, “Oh, HELL no!” But it happens. And, crossing the street toward the Crafty Fox on a sunny afternoon, peering in the windows, observing what looked like a pop-up greasy spoon built by apathetic grandfathers who needed to get some furnishings out of their basement … an “oh, HELL no!” escaped out of me.
I might very well have turned around and found another spot, but I’d agreed to meet friends. And so I walked in to greet Nicole and Eric. Eric was on his first beer, Nicole hadn’t ordered yet, but they were already skeptical: Apparently they’d seen the place from across the street, too, and had the exact same reaction.
The front room of The Crafty Fox had a decent crowd at the bar, though, so some people do like it here. The 36 beer taps in the front room are definitely its best feature — they look nicely antique. The front room is okay, in fact. It’s basically all bar seating and stools at a narrow window counter. It is minimalist in décor, which kind of works, although enough of the things they put on the walls are “crafty fox” branded as to make it look like they sold their naming rights to themselves. The feel of the room is “busy lunch counter for people with only 30 minute breaks, but in a gentrified neighborhood.” Which is fine as far as it goes, but seems all wrong if the idea is that you’re going to sit and savor some fine beer.
There are two other small rooms, one open to the kitchen, which contain small tables and picnic table-style seating — and they’re terrible. The décor could best be described as “minimalist bland;” it does exist, but it doesn’t matter. It comes across as quarter-assed, rather than casual. Worse, the bare walls catch and reflect all the sounds from the kitchen and the street, which doesn’t so much make conversation impossible as unpleasant. When the bar played music, it bounced off the walls and interacted with all the other sounds in a way that came across as noisy without adding ambiance. Eventually, we actually moved out of the second room and into the third just because the acoustics were so bad, and desperately wished there was a fourth room we could try.
I started to reconsider my initial trepidation, though, when I saw that The Crafty Fox uses empty bottles of Bulleit bourbon as water bottles at the tables, which seems a nice touch, and that the beer taps leaned heavily on Northern California microbrews, which is the beer bar equivalent of a sports bar sponsoring the home team. You like to see it. I ordered beer from Maine, though, because I was feeling contrary: an Allagash River Trip, a hop-forward,Belgian-style, pale session-style ale with strong citrus notes ($9), and went back to my table.
“You know what trend I’m not good with?” Eric said as he saw my beer. “Seven- to eight-percent ABV beer served in 13 ounce glasses. If I’m going to get a beer, I want a pint!”
“Beer comes in pints!” Nicole agreed. They high-fived, and then began wondering if we wouldn’t be better off just drinking a six-pack in the park.
To be fair, neither of them has any goddamn taste. Eric likes flavorless macrobrews and Nicole drinks IPAs so strong they bruise her tongue. (“Well, you like beer brewed by virgin monks,” she says in retort, which is untrue. Just because the monks are celibate now doesn’t mean they were virgins when they took the vow.) Inviting them to a serious taproom was a terrible mistake, and for all that we’re having trouble with it as a bar, it is a serious taproom: The Crafty Fox makes an effort at curation, and knows what it likes. I can’t for the life of me figure out why it was named “the best beer bar in California” by CraftBeer.com in 2017 — that’s just crazy talk — but they do put together a strong list.
The problem is drinking it here, because Nicole and Eric are right about one thing: When you’re day-drinking and the weather’s nice, “six-pack in the park” is the standard you have to beat. And if you’re not actually here for a particularly hard-to-find California microbrew, then The Crafty Fox wouldn’t cut it. Our conversation regarding Eric’s theory that, nowadays, no one would kill their parents for a measly $2 million, like the Menendez Brothers did, because income inequality has increased the threshold for patricide, was amusing to be sure, but the bar atmosphere added nothing to the discussion. We were having fun in spite of our surroundings.
[dropcap]I [/dropcap]went back and bought Eric and myself a Curieux, also by Allagash: a Belgian Tripel style ale aged in bourbon barrels and poured into a 9-ounce glass, and priced at $12 just to add extra insult to that injury. He immediately recognized that I was thumbing my nose at everything he holds dear in this world, but had to agree that the beer is goddamn tasty. So there, asshole: My beers are better than yours.
We tried to have a serious debate about whether, when someone mentions that they’ve had sex on a football field, it’s impolite or not to ask if they’ve climaxed. What’s the etiquette? I wanted to stay a while longer, and try out the kitchen, which I’ve heard good things about.
But the sudden noises from the roadway outside bouncing off the bare walls, mixing with the music, and the kitchen noises, and the fact that we were paying top dollar to be here, drove us away before we had time for another round and a fancy chicken sandwich. Nicole has absolutely no standards, but when she says “I can’t do this,” you can’t stay. Oh, HELL no.
Sometimes, first impressions are the right ones.
This is a trash article that misses the point compleetly. Crafty Fox is one of the only places in sf you can get a handfull of the microbrews that they so craftily serve up. The food is good the people are chill. Its a bar. Go drink your swill in the park then you entitled jerk
I’m surprised you didn’t mention the way the menu is set up – or maybe it no longer is set up that way. I went a few years ago and the menu was arranged by flavor! It was the best beer menu setup I’ve ever seen.
I agree that the decor is pretty boring and may lack character but I don’t think that’s the point of the bar. They have an incredible offering of beer and it constantly changes. They even get weekly can releases from some of my favorite breweries that you can buy to-go which I’d then take to the park if it’s nice out. Overall, it’s one of my preferred beer bars in the city and I’m glad they’re in the neighborhood.
The Crafty Fox has won accolades and legions of fans because it really is that good. Your “review” is inaccurate and incomplete. The Crafty’s atmosphere, food, and beers are in elite categories, which your review carefully distorts or ignores. Why is this tagged under eating if you don’t even bother to review the food? BTW the chef-driven menu paired with the craft beers attracts lots of fans because again it is that good. Instead of reviewing the Crafty, you give us a glimpse into your egomania.
Your bad faith article is a random rant that shows a very gentrified level of narcissism and an unprofessional approach to reviewing restaurants and bars on your part. This is a blatant attack piece that violates the ethics and best practices of review writing. A really diverse crowd of people frequent the place and it has won good press and you slam it with impunity.
And you won’t even taste the food or visit more than once? It is too gentrified but too loud you say? People who only get thirty minutes for lunch and work in that neighborhood are beneath you on some sort of ladder of cool you authored yourself? You present yourself as a professional writer too?
In my mind, it is crazy that it is so hip to be anti-gentrification in SF now that this sort of thing sneaks past editors and is published, targeting an individual business in a ruthless manner. You compare your options which include the park and a six pack and your article long identity crisis and frat boy style jokes. Nothing is more ridiculous than you pretending to be some sort of arbiter of cool or confronter of gentrification, than you pretending to be a professional reviewer of restaurants and bars.
This silly missive should never been published as legitimate “news” and says more about its writer than anything else. A six pack in the park sounds about your speed, except maybe it will be too noisy or too gentrified for you there too. What are your motives for writing such an irresponsible and dishonest piece? Are you a paid troll or what? Seems like a very deliberate attempt to hurt a beloved business with a large following and with little real consideration of its real merits, which are many.
Read some reviews by real reviewers to get a sense of how to write a more balanced and professional review that is more honest for future endeavors. You or the local should retract this silly article immediately. I and so many other loyal fans of The Crafty Fox will not stop going because of you, but you may dissuade possible new people, which seems to be the ulterior motive behind the publication of this pseudo review.
I’m sorry the reviewer didn’t find the Crafty Fox an inspiring backdrop for his conversations about sex on a football field, but the rest of us can enjoy it for what it’s supposed to be — a laid-back neighborhood spot with an excellent beer selection, fabulous bar food (grilled octopus!), and friendly staff.
The owner, Jason Perkins, was caught up in a web of lies and hate. People who patronize the place should be aware of the shit he pulled.
I wouldn’t go there if it was free. Never in a million years.
Wow! Yuck! Thanks for the heads up.
Google “Jason Perkins san francisco homeless”
I liked the Crafty Fox the couple times I went, but I won’t be going there anymore as long as Perkins is associated with it.
Interestingly, the first time I went to the Crafty Fox, my impressions were quite similar to those expressed by this author. However, I implore everyone to please give this little place a second chance, as it will soon start to grow on you and become a favorite spot for a delicious pint – (yes, they do have pints! you just need to pay attention to the notations on the chalk board) – and some amazing bar food. The staff are friendly and knowledgeable, the beer a well-curated selection of microbrews, and my husband swears that the cheeseburger is the best in the city!
No second chances for a bar owner who spread fliers threatening the lives of homeless citizens. There’s plenty of good cheeseburgers around town.
If you want to go to the par and bring a six-pack, go do that. But complaining the restaurant you chose to go into isn’t the park just seems unfair. At the least they are being judged against standards they can’t be expected to meet: participating in a legal activity.
Here’s the real review:
The beers are great. The food is amazing. The service is very friendly and fast. The restaurant is clean.
A word of warning. The servings are huge so go light ordering or better yet, go with friends and share some dishes. If you don’t like the Brussels sprouts I’ll pay for them.
You have strange standards
This establishment is unadorned, true. Still. Your review is unnecessarily harsh, even petulant. The atmosphere at midday is bright and clean. They serve food, too, which you neglect to mention. Service is friendly and helpful, but I was the only female on a weekend day at noon. I live in the area, and remember the very good restaurant that once stood on that corner. But the bro vibe and mediocre food do not warrant a second visit.
I used to be indifferent with opinion pieces but since the rise of Trump, it’s just impossible to read things like this. Although you may not be, you come off as seeming extremely entitled. It sounds like the crew at Fox & Friends whining about the latest left-leaning politician or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez comment.
With that said, you write what you write and you write in your voice. But moving forward, consider the economic climate these small businesses are up against in San Francisco. Not to mention, the INSANE permitting process that takes place even to open a small business here. San Francisco is actually hostile towards small businesses. There is nothing incentivising people to pursue their dreams to open a small business in this city while large corporations reap every possible tax break and benefit.
Please, please try and open your own business in San Francisco, preferably one in the food service industry so you can gain just a dash of empathy for what it’s like. Or even better,, do a piece on the process needed to open a small business in San Francisco.
There is a reason that there are so many empty storefront in this city and articles like this miss the point that they are part of the problem. If you don’t like it, just say it’s not for you. There are ways in conveying your voice without sounding like an entitled white male. And please realize you are trampling on someone else’s livelihood when you, and others, write things like this. It’s not about hurting feelings, it actually alters people’s lives economically.
Agree with your description of the decor but the beer is seriously good and the food is tasty (particularly the brussel sprouts)! Plus the barmen are often Irish!