As reporters, we here at ML think of ourselves as people who like real hard news. And usually, we do. But we also love tales like the one SFGate’s got up right now on its front page — a story from the Telegraph about a woman who inexplicably jumped into the polar bear enclosure at the Berlin Zoo, and as a result, received a bunch of bear-bites to her body parts. What would possess a person to do such a thing? A serious case of cuddle-seeking, apparently:

“Last December a man who afterwards said he was “lonely” survived jumping into the same zoo enclosure when keepers diverted the bears with chunks of beef.”

Ack. The Berlin Zoo is home to so-cute-it-hurts polar bear baby Knut, who’s almost as famous among Germans as David Hasselhoff. But seeking comfort from man-eating marine mammals seems like a sign of extreme anomie. As a public service announcement of sorts, we recommend that anyone thinking about doing something desperate at the SF Zoo go instead to this Web site, which promises to cure most (if not all) emotional ailments.